This past year has been weird as fuck. Let’s just sit in that thought for a moment and really grasp that we are finally here in the first month of 2021.
What. The. Actual. Fuck type of movie was this last year?
As much of a shit show as 2020 had been, I can’t even begin to describe how much healing and introspective work was accomplished through it all. I straight up could have done without 2020, but at the same time, being forced to isolate and sit with myself in my thoughts for almost a year was crucial to not only raising my vibrations, but in understanding what still needed healing and what steps needed to be taken in order to elevate myself into my next chapter of my life.
It’s been transformational. I feel like I’ve released old skin like a snake.
The Benefits of Learning How to Sit With Your Thoughts
If you’re anything like me, your mind is on a constant loop all day long. I know some of you hate zodiac and astrology and may not believe it in, but I am a true Aquarius so I live for it…Deal with it.
As an Aquarius, I spend most of my days in constant thought about the future. In constant thought about how to get where I want to be and what needs to be done in order to get there.
There are very few moments in my life where I can recall being in the here and now, the present moment. I either sit in the past trying to learn from my mistakes or I’m running into the future trying to accelerate the time in which I get tp where I want to go and receive what I am hoping for.
Having about eight months of not working and just being in my home had obviously halted a lot of that. I was able to think about the past a lot and learn from my mistakes, understand why I made the decisions I did, and heal whatever issues were at the root of those poor decisions.
But in terms of thinking about the future, it had been minimal.
I have no idea what tomorrow looks like for once. Everything is on pause with no end in near sight, so how the hell am I supposed to know what I’m running towards?
That’s not to say there aren’t a few things I am hopeful for or a few things I am wishing to come to fruition, but in terms of where I’ll be six months from now? That’s impossible to say.
I could still be sitting here staring at my computer waiting for creativity to strike on a consistent basis, or I could be chasing after an epic adventure full of abundance, happiness, love and purpose.
Let’s pray for that latter, shall we?
My mind has always been a weird place to be. My depression, OCD and anxiety make it difficult to sit with my thoughts and feelings. Everything for the most part has been rooted in fear or anxiety and it has caused not only a lot of self-sabotage but it has single handedly ruined a lot of opportunities I felt I couldn’t manage.
Now, obviously everything that is meant for you won’t pass you by, so I don’t have any regrets or feel any type of way about what has come and gone, but at the same time, there has been a part of me that wishes I could really sit in my mind comfortably and have clarity and space to understand things in a different way and from a different point-of-view.
The past few months have given me that, ironically enough.
Maybe it had been the constant divorce struggles or issues that I have little to no control over, but I have started to just flow a little more in life and take things as they come instead of trying to stick my hand in the pot and manipulate or control the outcome and it has been incredibly refreshing.
I have learned to do this through reading different books and getting back into guided meditation and mindfulness.
I have started to really become in tune with my thought process and stop myself in my own tracks when I feel myself operating out of a place of fear and anxiety. Making decisions to potentially protect myself instead of making decisions out of love, desire and joy.
Are You Operating Out of Love or Fear?
I was watching a couple of videos on “The YouTube” all about manifestation and the law of attraction and how we all have the power to manifest what we truly want. We’ve all heard this before.
But something in particular stood out to me and hit me between the eyes.
This woman went on to explain how when we are about to receive the fruits of our labor or when we are about to receive all that we have manifested in our minds, self-sabotage creeps in. Fear creeps in.
We start to second guess decisions, our path in life, if “this” thing we are trying to manifest is truly what we want or if it’s even good for us. We see abundance and we run the other way.
Why is that? Well, there is very little in life that is worse than losing what you deeply want? Right?
You finally get something that you’ve been wishing, praying, envisioning, doing dark magic for (KIDDING), and you’re about to receive it all as you hoped you would, but when you finally do receive it all, what happens? Fear. Fear of losing our deepest desires. Fear of losing the person we want. Fear of messing up. Fear of not being worthy.
I started to realize I have only ever really operated out of a place of fear. I have always been one or ten steps ahead of the present moment. Preparing for all possible outcomes. Preparing for the worst so it will hurt less.
But as we all know, our thoughts propel us forward. Our thoughts are energetic. They attract like things. If you’re operating out of low vibrational energy, you will only receive low vibrational energy. After hearing that it finally clicked for me.
I’m about to hit my Dirty Thirty birthday and at this point in my life, I can finally say I honestly don’t care if people like me or not. I like me and I appreciate me. If others don’t, that’s totally fine! I’m not for everyone as everyone is not for me.
I’ve dealt with pain and hardships my entire life. There is nothing I can’t handle moving forward. Being in that state of mind allows me to ONLY now operate out of love and abundance because out of all the pain, trying times, loss, and rock bottom moments, I have become a better version of myself. A more compassionate person. Someone who is able to see beyond the situation. Someone who can get proper perspective.
Those are beautiful things to attain from pain.
How to Make that Switch from Fear to Love
For everyone it will be different. For me it felt like my interests led me to this place and things I wanted to know more about all surrounded this universal idea of manifestation and the law of attraction.
There are a few things I am truly wanting for myself and my life and if I can focus on those from a place of receiving, then I will. Instead of blocking anyone and anything from getting close to me.
In that, I started reading a few books that opened my mind up to step outside myself and look at myself through a different lens. I had to check myself and see why I was acting the way I was, behaving the way I was, and feeling the way I was.
In that introspection I found out a lot and was able to continue to do the work in making sure I no longer carry any baggage with me as I phase into this new chapter of my life.
One book in particular which has been enlightening and fun has been The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein. She has guided meditations which are short and purposeful, just like me and all of my 5’2.5” self!
Mediation has always been difficult without there being a purpose or focus. Just sitting in silence is not my thing, YET! It will be, I’m determined.
Anyways, this book puts a lot of clarity in how we move and operate and how to redirect our mind away from fear. It talks about our trust in the universe and how to change our way of thinking and how to release our self-limiting beliefs. I’ve definitely been enjoying it.
Another book that actually started this whole journey is The Intuitive Path: The Seeker’s Guide to Spiritual Intuition by Sara Wiseman.
What led me to this book is me honestly feeling blocked from my intuition.
My intuition has always be strong since I was a teenager, but lately I feel like I can’t find it! She’s gone!
So I wanted to read more about reconnecting with your intuition and why sometimes we can’t get in tune with our gut feelings and our higher self.
From there, it led me to learning about our chakra’s and chakra healing but I’ll save that for another day.
How to Get Started
It’s so important to get abundantly clear, precise and specific on what you want in life. It can’t come from a manipulation stand point either.
After you get clear on what it is you want, you have to live every minute of every day like you already have it.
If you want love, embody the feelings of love with everyone and everything, most importantly, yourself.
If you want to start your own business, move and operate every day like a CEO would. Embody the feelings of clarity, power, action, and confidence.
You have to put the energy out that you want to receive tenfold. As you start to live your life as you wish it was, you attract everything that is necessary in your life to get you there.
You also will become more focused, intentional, and solid in your habits and every day moves.
But, I can’t stress this enough, it is SO important to make sure fear and anxiety don’t have any place in your life. You can’t believe one day and doubt the other.
As you live with intention of your goals, you might start to see situations, relationships, opportunities, or things in your life go up in flames. This can be hard and disappointing but if you take anything away from this post let it be this…
In order to get what you want in life, you have to make room for it.
Tools of the Trade
To further your journey in understanding yourself on a deeper level, here are some books/audiobooks to help navigate you from living in your fear space and moving and operating out of a place of being open to receive:
The Intuitive Path: The Seeker’s Guide to Spiritual Intuition – Sara Wiseman
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